To ogle or not to ogle

So I was playing on this TF2 server last night, one that I frequent quite often. It’s one of those servers that has an anti-swearing, anti-racism, anti-pornographic spray policy. It’s also got admins on pretty much constantly during prime time.

In spite of all this, some rebellious young horndog threw up a provocative spray of a woman splayed on a kitchen countertop, her goodies covered with naught but whipped cream. I didn’t look too closely; I was too disgusted to give it pause.

Or was I?

See, I have this slight problem. Not only am I a girl gamer, I’m kinda sorta maybe a little attracted to the womens myself. Yeah, sounds great, whoopty-shit. It ain’t all that. The scrutiny accompanying a bi-curious girl on the Internet, let alone one that plays games dominated by men, can be considerable. It gets more complicated when you factor in other gaming girls, both how they’re viewed by the community and how they view me.

No, of course I couldn’t be titillated; I had a duty to be full of feminist indignation. I do believe it was a case of the bigger picture, of not appearing soft on smut when it goes against the rules, and to stand up for my fellow gaming goddesses. But dammit, sometimes it’d be nice if I could just say, “Hey, look at the melons on that tomato.”

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